


"But you let go of your chances."

by SorcorerSupreme



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autumn, Bad Spelling & Grammar, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Male-Female Friendship, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-26 09:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12554136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorcorerSupreme/pseuds/SorcorerSupreme





	"But you let go of your chances."

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ilfaitfrais](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilfaitfrais/gifts).



It was _him_ who found me crying in front of the house my boyfriend and I bought together after he kicked me out because I wanted to watch Marvel’s Doctor Strange and not football with his friends.  
It was _him_ who made sure I had a place to stay, he even payed the hotel until I figured out what to do with my life.  
It was _him_ who called me in the middle of his night because I didn’t answer his texts even though he had a hard day ahead of him.  
It was _him_ who cancelled trips with his family and friends to stay with me so I could finally go back to the house and take all my belongings with me.  
It was _him_ who gave me the key to his apartment after I moved into a small flat quite close to his.  
It was _him_ who spend some of the rare days off he has in a home-center to buy the furniture for my flat.  
It was _him_ who spend some of the rare days off he has in my flat and helped me with assembling the furniture we bought together.  
It was _him_ who helped me going through a very difficult period of my life.

And somehow during the time we spend together, I lost something to him. At first, I didn’t even realise that I lost something really important to him because I was thankful for having him in my life and didn’t even dare to think about it. Then, when he met a girl at one of the races and couldn’t stop talking about her, I felt something deep inside I didn’t feel for a long time. I was _jealous_ of the girl. A bit later, when they had their first dates and he spend less and less time with me, I finally figured out what I lost to him. _I lost my heart to him_ and until today, I don’t regret losing it to him.

Currently, he’s in Mexico and I am alone in his apartment. It’s bigger and more homely than mine and since he no longer has that girl staying at, nobody cares whether I stay at his place or at my flat. Also he has Sky – which I don’t have because I usually spend the money on better things such as a new comfortable hoodie, books or concerts – and I just love his apartment, it’s huge and I love his couch and his bed.

I used to love autumn. I used to love the colourful leaves, I used to love breaking out the comfy warm clothes for the colder time of the year, I used to love the specials the cafés have such as a gingerbread latte or literally everything you could think of with pumpkins. I used to love long walks through the local park, enjoying the nature. But I still love jogging in the morning when the cold air fills the lungs and makes you realise you’re alive.

But around this time last year, it all started.  
Around this time last year, my boyfriend at that time started ignore me and if he didn’t ignore me, he would scream at me.  
Around this time last year, he kicked me out and I sat there on a bench near our house, crying until Stoffel found me. As I found out later, 11 pm is the time for his usual late night jog through the neighbourhood. Instead of ignoring my sobbing self like so many others did, he stopped and asked me why I was out there in the cold.  
Around this time last year, I met him who changed my whole life.

Since it’s Saturday and the bookstore I work at is closed for the weekend, I did nothing but eat his ice cream and his pizza – he should actually thank me for making sure he doesn’t cheat on a non-cheat day – and I still am in the shirt and the shorts I sleep in. The anxiety is there, like always. The worst-case scenarios in my head are there as well, like always. I put my phone on vibration so I don’t miss his call in case qualifying doesn’t go the way he wants to because even though he knows about the grid penalties and even though he knows that no matter how hard he tries, he’s going to start from the back of the grid, he wants to fight and give his very best.

Nobody wants to watch Formula One with me since I met him because I tend to be quite vocal about it. So it’s nothing unusual for me to yell at the TV and it’s absolutely not unusual for me to wipe away some tears when it’s over for him. Sure, he could have tried to reach Q3, but it would have been a useless waste of material given the amount of grid penalties. It’s really frustrating for him and I wish I could somehow help him to have a better car, I feel so useless sitting here on his couch while he his thousandths of kilometres away and I can’t do anything to help him.

Half an hour later, he sends me a random emoji and I send him a videochat request on skype. He accepts it and only seconds later, I have him on the screen of my laptop. “The wifi is horrible”, he says and I quietly chuckle under my breath. “It’s good to see you too, mate. How was your day?” He’s still sweaty and when he looks away, I bit on my lower lip. It should be forbidden to look so good. “My day was okay, I guess. How was yours? You didn’t leave my apartment, did you?”

Shrugging, I look into the camera and swallow when he takes his shirt off. It’s not like I haven’t seen him shirtless but I still can’t cope with it. It’s the most sexual thing I have experienced during the last year, together with him taking off his trousers. “Of course I didn’t, I had to make sure you don’t cheat when you’re not allowed to.” Pouting, he gasps and shakes his head dramatically in disbelief. “How dare you?”

The bell rings and I wince in surprise. “Did you expect anyone?” Confused, I shake my head, stand up, place the blanket on the couch and open the door. “Hey.” My former boyfriend smiles awkwardly at me and I freeze. Shit. What is he doing here? How did he found out about me preferring to stay here? “Go away.” I don’t dare to look into his eyes and glare at the ground instead – I didn’t notice it is this dirty before. “Can I talk to you? Inside?”

He’s way stronger than me, so there’s no way to prevent him from entering Stoffel’s apartment, so I shrug and let him enter without a fight. “Thank you.” So here we stand, in the hallway of the apartment that belongs to the guy I lost my heart to with my former boyfriend. Couldn’t be more awkward, could it? “So … I was thinking about you a lot lately. And I saw you with that bloke. I don’t like seeing you with blokes like him at all.” There is so much I want to tell him.

I want to tell him about the nightmares I have since I saw the very first leaf this year.  
I want to tell him about me going jogging almost every morning to feel the fresh and colder air filling my lungs and remembering me that I’m alive after all this shit.  
I want to tell him about me not being able to eat pumpkin without thinking of him and the battle of the most scary pumpkin for Halloween.  
I want to tell him that I won’t go to the city’s most famous Halloween party this year because I’m scared of being reminded of him.  
I want to tell him that I won’t open the door for kids who want some sweets because it would only remind me of him pranking them while I gave them the desired sweets.  
I want to tell him about me not going shopping because all those Halloween costumes would remind me of us planning the costumes for the next Halloween all year long and being one of the first ones to have the complete costume.

But I can’t. Because even though he kicked me out and even though he hurt me terribly, he’s still a part of who I am and of my life. “Do you want to have dinner with me sometimes? Just as friends.” Do I want to? Not at all, but how am I supposed to let him know I don’t want to have dinner with him without him freaking out? It’s nearly impossible to do so.

“From what I heard about you, you have always abandoned her easily and fetching her when you finally remember.” Right, Stoffel. So he didn’t leave for a chat with his team as I thought he would. “Excuse me? Who the hell are you?” My former boyfriend pushes me into the living room, grabs my laptop and stares angrily at the screen in front of him. “Hi, I’m the bloke you saw her with.” This is not going to end well, I can tell, but I can’t change it. He’s too strong for me, the black eye I had once just was a painful reminder for that.

“Well, bloke I saw her with, I don’t know many lies she told you because I have no idea what you’re talking with me. She’s going to end up with me sooner or later and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Without getting his attention, I grab my phone quickly and text him behind my back – that’s something I got to practice a lot when I was together with him.

 _ **To:** Stoffel_  
I can’t stand seeing him but I can’t make him go, he’s a bit too strong for me

My legs are shaking as I watch my former boyfriend talking angrily with him and as much as I would like to follow their conversation, I can’t.  
“I loved her first.” Hearing the word _“love”_ out of his mouth sounds so unbelievable wrong, just so wrong. “But you let go of your chances, mate. We’re dating, she loves me and I love her and there’s literally nothing you can do against it. Now I recommend you to leave before I call the police. Don’t believe me? Well you better believe me or you spend the night in jail.”  
For some reasons, he actually leaves the flat after slamming his fist in the wall and making sure to let me know he’s not done with me yet. “Love, are you alright?” With teary eyes, I quickly walk over to my laptop and nod. “S-sure, I’m alright”, I sob and he sighs. “You know what? I don’t like the thought of you being alone. I’ll book the next flight to Mexico for you and I’ll ask one of my friends to pick you up and bring you to a safe place until then.”

  
\---

  
To my surprise, one of his friends cancelled his date with someone he really liked to help me pack and to wait at the airport until I passed security and he knew for sure I was safe from a certain guy.

It doesn’t surprise me that he booked business class for me, he probably doesn’t want me to sit with people who might recognise me from the few times there was a photo of him and me in the local newspaper. Usually, I would complain about him spending so much money for me since economy class would have been totally fine for me, but I don’t because I know he just wants to make sure I can actually enjoy the long flight.

Since I slept most of the time on the plane, the flight itself wasn’t that bad. The stewardess apparently had to kick out a few fans who tried to sneak into business class to take a photo of me sleeping, but it doesn’t really matter to me. Stoffel has hundredths of pictures of me sleeping, so a few more wouldn’t really matter at all.

Eliot, his trainer, picks me up from the airport even though I’m sure he has better things to do than picking up Stoffel’s best friend. He’s a really nice guy and he even bought me a gingerbread latte to drink during the ride to the circuit. It’s still quite early here in Mexico and I take a deep breath. Last night is almost forgotten and all I can think about is seeing my best friend in less than an hour.

“He told me about what happened”, Eliot says and I just nod since I don’t know what to say or how to react. “And he was so close to just cancel the race and fly home to you. Seriously, he already had an excuse why he had to leave and everything.” That’s just so typical for him. “But he already booked the flight for me, didn’t he?”, I mumble and he chuckles. “No, actually he didn’t. He wanted to book you a flight to Monaco and he wanted to fly back to Monaco last night. But I managed to make him change plans and just book a flight for you to Mexico.”

I didn’t expect him to react like _this_ , so I just nod again and he quietly sighs. “He likes you a bit more like he wants to admit.” Maybe now would be the right place to tell him that I like Stoffel also more than I want to admit, but I don’t. I don’t because it’s something between the two of us and I don’t really want anyone else to be involved. “You can check in and unpack or surprise him, we’re going to be sooner at the hotel than he expects us to be.”

Unpacking might be the better idea since I know I won’t be back at the hotel until 8 pm or probably even later, but I really want to surprise him. I want to see the adorable, confused expression on his face when he sleepily opens the door, expecting a crew member and not me standing in front of the door of his hotel room. “Thank you.”

We spend the rest of the ride in a comfortable silence and I can’t get out of the car fast enough for my liking when we finally arrive at the goddamn hotel. “Well I guess you want to surprise him, so I’ll organize something to make sure your suitcase and backpack are in your room whenever you need them.” I give him a thankful smile and literally run into the hotel.

The lift isn’t fast enough, so I run upstairs until I reach his room. Number 2010. We met on the 20th of October last year and since that day, it has always been his hotel room number. Some hotels had to change numbers just because of him, but he claims it brings him luck to stay in the hotel room number 2010.

Still out of breath, I knock at the door and grin like an idiot. “Wait a sec!”, he answers and I chuckle quietly under my breath, imaging him quickly putting a shirt and some jogging pants on. Maybe looking into the mirror to make sure his hair looks somewhat presentable.

“Hey, what’s so im- _love_!” Quickly, he pulls me into a close hug and I rest my head on his shoulder, simply enjoying his presence. “Weren’t you supposed to land in like ten minutes?”, he mumbles confused and I laugh quietly. “No, Eliot gave you the times from another plane so I could surprise you.” Pouting, he looks at me and I kiss his cheek. This feels so right.

Gently, he pulls me with him into his room and closes the door. “So I was thinking about doing a bonfire tonight. The whole crew is invited, but since Fernando officially organised it, he’s the host and I can spend the night with you.” The world definitely doesn’t deserve him, he’s way too good for this cruel world. “I know you haven’t been at a bonfire for years because someone didn’t like them, so we’re going to do everything tonight. Eliot has organised a guitar so he can play a bit later, we’re doing s’mores, Nando made sure there’s going to be pumpkin tea, gingerbread latte and everything one could think of when thinking of a bonfire.”

In awe, I look at him and I can’t be thankful enough for having him in my life. “Did you tell him you want to do a bonfire but you don’t want to be the host because you want to stay with me the whole time?” He doesn’t answer, but the smirk I get is all I need I am right.

“And we’re going to visit Felipe’s Halloween Party in Monaco. Everyone’s invited and it’s just going to be an amazing time. And don’t worry, I have already three couple costumes ready and you can choose the one you like best.” Couple costumes? Such as in ‘hey, we’re a couple’? Speechless, I look at him and weakly shake my head in disbelief. “For real?” He must have spent the whole night with organizing all this amazing stuff for me. “Of course, but before we … uh … leave, I want to ask you something.”

Nervously, he looks at me and I give him a weak reassuring smile. “Or more likely tell you something.” His hands are shaking and I don’t know what’s going on. I remember Eliot’s words and the weird smirk he gave me when we arrived at the hotel and of course my brain wants me to focus on one of millions of possible things he could want to tell me. “It’s … I have never done this before and I have actually no idea how to do it.” Deeply, he looks into my eyes and I get goosebumps.

Gently, he cups my face and places a soft kiss on my forehead. “Since the very first day I met you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Whenever I was abroad, I couldn’t help but check my phone every few minutes to make sure you were alright. And whenever I was at home but you couldn’t stay with me, I felt as empty as I felt abroad. You completed me since the night I met you. At first, I thought it was normal because of what you told me about a certain someone and stuff, but when I started dating Janette, it just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right to kiss her, it didn’t feel right to touch her, it didn’t feel right to cook dinner for her which she didn’t like that much. But it felt right watching you eating the leftovers and it felt right hugging you. It has always been you, I just didn’t realise it.”

His voice is shaking and he takes a deep breath. Before he can continue to ramble, I pull him closer and gently kiss him. It takes him a few seconds to realise what’s going on and then, he eagerly kisses me back.

“I love you, you idiot”, I mumble against his lips and boy, this feels so right. “I love you too, darling.”


End file.
